Just a tiny example of how things work for my family.  This sunday was of course mother's day, but my mother spent the weekend starting friday up until sunday evening with my younger sister and her kids.  Well she apparently came home while I was asleep sunday afternoon but never bothered to wake me and let me know that she and the rest were home.  Then they went off to Ponderosa for food, but apparently I didn't rate inviting along for my mother's mother's day celebration, and to top it off she was so kind as to bring back an entire roll just for me! *feh*  No steak mind you, as she very clearly said, with a 'sorry no steak but here's a nice roll for you'.  Of course I love steak and she knows it but to think to bring anything like that back for me of course never crossed her mind, or actually it did while she played target practice with it to see how quickly she could kill it.  She made sure to bring back piles of useless clothes and other junk to toss into the bathtub though, since it's the only spot in the house I manage to keep clear for its intended use for longer than a few hours, so after she's off to work once again I'll have to move the junk elsewhere just to be able to bathe like a normal human being.  Oh, and later when dad finally got back home he felt the need to bitch about my having a fan running in the kitchen because he felt it made things cold for the little dog mom keeps in the house but never cares for, and told me to go to hell when I told him it was the only way to keep the cigar smoke from him from choking me to death since I'm sensitive to it.  So apparently the dog feeling a little chilly (which I doubt) is far more important than my ability to breathe.  Isn't family wonderful?

So what to put in my first posting here, when I doubt it'll even be read and mostly just to vent some of what's been building up and choking me inside.  I guess I'm just so miserable and sometimes just really hate everyone.  I mean I do my best to be kind, caring, supportive, loving, a good friend and listener, and it just never seems to matter.  When I start to depend on someone and reach the level of trust where I feel like they'll be there for always like I'd be there for them, they pick right at that moment to flip-flop and start fading away and finding other interests or always too 'busy' to even talk for a while or just have some fun RPing.  Sometimes it just seems like it's just a waste of time, trying again and again and always seeming to end up sitting around alone once again or trying to find others to talk with and have fun like I once had with the others.  I even end up envying the bastards and callous people because nothing bothers them, since they have no need for attachments beyond syphoning someone for their amusement until they grow bored and move on, so are rarely unhappy or lonely.  I just can't be that cold and uncaring though, I just care too much and can't cut my heart away to be so cold, even if it'd take away the hurt too.

Current Mood: depressed